Hi. Its 10:45 and I can't sleep. I just feel the need to get this off my chest. If you are reading this you know me. You see me on a pretty regular basis. I won't hear collective gasps when I mention that I am fat. Obese. Large.
I have been overweight most of my life. Starting just before puberty up to today. I come from a long line of people who like to eat and know how to cook. I am not at all blaming the genes-I know I am responisble for what I put in my mouth. I had gastric bypass surgery about 8 years ago. Even though they tell you it is only a tool, I didn't really listen because I was busy imagining myself buying cute clothes in all those stores I see. I wasn't forced to deal with the reason I got to 275 in the first place. I initially lost about 75 pounds and was an 18/20. I had the boy and even lost weight through that. I don't know if the upcoming big 40 is a contributor or the stress of my and my husbands jobs have had an effect but, I have put on some weight and it is really bothering me.
I used to float between 205 and 212. Mind you, 150-160 is where I should be. I now weigh between 230 and 238. It makes me SO sad to type that but I have just felt very impressed to put it out there. I am completely addicted to sugar in the evening. I become like a crack addict-literally and have to have at least one sugary thing each evening. Most evenings, I make something somewhat healthy for the boy. Sometimes I will eat with him (a much smaller portion) or some nights I just eat chips and dip. I am bankrupting my body and as I get older I am feeling the loan being called in.
I never exercise and that is the real kicker. I know as sure as I know my own name that if I made time to move each day, the food issue would go away. I would make healthier choices. I just don't make my health a priority.
There it is out there.
When someone shows you who they really are....it can get personal