Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Just putting it out there

Hi. Its 10:45 and I can't sleep. I just feel the need to get this off my chest. If you are reading this you know me. You see me on a pretty regular basis. I won't hear collective gasps when I mention that I am fat. Obese. Large.
I have been overweight most of my life. Starting just before puberty up to today. I come from a long line of people who like to eat and know how to cook. I am not at all blaming the genes-I know I am responisble for what I put in my mouth. I had gastric bypass surgery about 8 years ago. Even though they tell you it is only a tool, I didn't really listen because I was busy imagining myself buying cute clothes in all those stores I see. I wasn't forced to deal with the reason I got to 275 in the first place. I initially lost about 75 pounds and was an 18/20. I had the boy and even lost weight through that. I don't know if the upcoming big 40 is a contributor or the stress of my and my husbands jobs have had an effect but, I have put on some weight and it is really bothering me.
I used to float between 205 and 212. Mind you, 150-160 is where I should be. I now weigh between 230 and 238. It makes me SO sad to type that but I have just felt very impressed to put it out there. I am completely addicted to sugar in the evening. I become like a crack addict-literally and have to have at least one sugary thing each evening. Most evenings, I make something somewhat healthy for the boy. Sometimes I will eat with him (a much smaller portion) or some nights I just eat chips and dip. I am bankrupting my body and as I get older I am feeling the loan being called in.
I never exercise and that is the real kicker. I know as sure as I know my own name that if I made time to move each day, the food issue would go away. I would make healthier choices. I just don't make my health a priority.
There it is out there.
When someone shows you who they really are....it can get personal

6 comments:

cstoler said...

Well friend I am right there with you. I hate the way I look but have yet to make it a prioty to do what it takes to improve. I know the right things to do, I know I feel beeter with less weight and more excerise, I know I will have more energy, I know I will like myself more. So there you have it. Want to try to do this together. I would really like to go back to my weight watcher's way of eating and excersing. Of course I have to start cooking and making time for that stuff... Regardless, I love you the way you are...

leann said...

Been there, done that. It's a life time committment, and let's face it I've never been really committed to anything ever in my life, except maybe my children. The last time I lost weight I lost 40 pounds, bought all the great clothes and swore I'd never be that heavy again, well guess what, I'm back where it all began and making all the excuses. So we all need to get together and support each other, walk together or whatever and all of us set a goal no matter how small it might be, but we can't do it until we take a step. My first step starts now. How about you girls?

cstoler said...

We are forming our own "Let's Get Fit" Club with Kimmy heading it up. She is going to get us a food and excerise log and we will be accountable to her. I think we can all do this. We all have the same goals and we can fit in our scrapping around excerise. I also think we could do menu planning sessions too. I have a ton of really good weight watcher's receipes and you being the cook you are I bet you can play around with some of your favorites and make them more health friendly. Hey I know, we can scrap a weight loss receipe book along with our own weight loss scrapbook. I am game the first session (next Friday my house) we weigh and do meausrements and take pictures to start the book. Then say we up date once a month while we weigh in once a week. What do you all think? Who is on board with me??????

Plastic said...

I just want to say that you are beautiful. So beautiful. Don't beat yourself up - just do better. I am already supposed to be doing a weightloss challenge - insert eye roll - its not going so well. I will do better, and I hope you will too.
love you
R

Kim said...

We can all do this together...nobody has to feel alone in this quest. Trust me! Let's all get on board together and make it good for all of us!

June said...

It takes a lot of guts and courage to share your heart this way. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to do it. But, I am so glad that you did. Because now I can tell you what an amazing woman I think you are and how incredibly encouraging you are to me. Your words are an inspiration to me -- causing me to dig deep inside myself and realize I need to try and be better for my own benefit. Please let me know what I can do from a distance to be supportive. God Bless YOU, June